A List Maker's Life: Joy Will Come

Monday, October 11, 2010

Joy Will Come

Before Gabe was born I was told by other moms that the diagnosis and pregnancy part of spina bifida would be the hardest. "It is all so much easier once your baby is born." They explained that after I saw him,  held him, it would not seem as difficult to deal with his likely long term health struggles.

Their advice holds pieces of truth. In that moment when I saw Gabe for the first time I could not help but be joyful for the miracle of birth, his special life, and all that is to come.

Yet, now there is a part of me fighting against each poke and prod instead of kicking peacefully around his warm and cozy spot inside. We are separated by plastic gloves, crunchy gowns, stairs, elevators, scrub in policies, gated doors, and incubators instead of living in one body - like we were just 20 days ago. Anywhere we were our family was together. Gabe was familiar with our voices, noises, and routines. Seemingly the familar sounds and schedules of his siblings have been replaced by his nurses' three hour care times, IV pumps, and monitor beeps.

When we are finally home little Gabe's spina bifida may pale in comparison to having our dear miracle with us, but for now none of this is easier - it is much more difficult than we anticipated.

"Preplanning doesn't make the bumps in the road any less jarring." From the book Chronic Kids, Constant Hope by Hoekstra and Bradford.

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13 comments:

  1. I check in daily to see how your sweet blessin is doing! I can't imagine what you must be going thru. However, I must say your strength and faith are astounding! Praying for you all! May God's peace be upon you!
    Hugs,
    Lindsay
    http://bomanpartyof5.blogspot.com

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  2. Oh Katie - I can't imagine the struggle you are going through, but I am encouraged and amazed by your faith and the way you are trusting in Him no matter what. I continue to pray for you dear friend - especially that you are able to hold him and be close to him as much as possible. Love you!

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  3. I am sure it is very hard on all of you Katie. I am here if you need someone to talk to and I am always praying for you all.

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  4. I'm sure this is very difficult for your family. I hope you all are able to be together in your home again soon.

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  5. He is just beautiful!! Praying for your family.

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  6. Such a sweet precious boy. I am sure all your hearts ache not being able to be with him every minute of every day. Praying for his healing from surgery, and thay he will be able to go home sooner than you are now expecting.

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  7. sending prayers and hugs.

    you are amazing mama...

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  8. You are such an amazing strong woman. I can't imagine how you are feeling. I continue to pray for Gabe and the rest of your family. (((Hugs)))

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  9. Prayers and positive thoughts and hugs and anything else you might need! He is so lucky to have you!!

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  10. Okay, the caveat to that advice that pregnancy is the hardest part is that ... the NICU is the second hardest part. :( The NICU is HARD. No getting around it, it's awful. This will be over soon, and THEN it really does get better. Still hard sometimes, but it's totally overwhelmed by the good stuff.

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  11. Praying for dear Gabe and your family.

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  12. Praying for you friend!!!
    May he be home with you very soon!!!

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