This weekend at Gleek Retreat my sweet friends chose the saying "beautifully made" as a surprise to be painted on my chest. Although I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I rarely feel beautiful. Yet, for those 3 hours it was tattooed for all to see I had to live it. To own it.
That night as I drifted off to sleep and the paint rubbed away with my tossing and turning I thought about how remarkable our bodies are put together. How miraculous it is that I've been given the vessel to develop and carry a little life.
That is amazing beauty.
This morning we had the long awaited privilege of seeing our baby on the ultrasound screen. We oohed and ahhed as pictures of little arms, hands, eyes, and more danced on the screen. Despite the reluctant knot somewhere deep inside we excitedly made predictions about this baby's gender based on features and obvious similiarities to our other children.
After our 40 minute window to our newest love, the curtain closed for awhile with the promise of a follow up view. We headed down the hall to see our doctor.
"I don't have good news for you...neural tube...spine...brain...high risk specialist..."options."
I listened carefully, only processing half of what I was hearing, as I started to shake.
Today marks a new jouney of faith for us. Kevin and I long for your prayers as we wait for more explanation, as we search for answers to painful questions, as we learn to own this...
Our baby is very sick, but he is still beautifully made in our eyes and in God's.
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
I am new to your blog but I just read your tweet. Please know that throughout today and the days ahead you and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers. xxxx
ReplyDeleteOh Katie...my heart just dropped...and when the shock wears off...I'm sure the tears will come. Oh dear friend...I will be covering you in prayers.
ReplyDeleteFollow you on twitter, but never visited your blog before until this post. My heart breaks for you, but I know a real, amazing, loving God who works miracles and heals hearts. He will hold you no matter what the future holds.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteYou're a new friend, but I know some things about you...
I know you ARE beautifully made. I know that babe of yours is beautifully made. I also know that God's love is so amazing.
Praying for you!
Jolon
lots of love and prayers....
ReplyDeleteKatie, I am praying God covers you with peace, gives you wisdom, guides your hearts and minds and heals that sweet little one. Holding you steadfast in my prayers, dear one.
ReplyDeleteI too just found your blog from a tweet. This was a beautifully made post. Your child has a beautiful mama and much support for the road ahead of you. Lots of love.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to email you, Katie but I just wanted to say I'm praying, i'm believing and I know God is The great physician and also man makes mistakes, I'm believing for a good report next time, but no matter what, rest safe and peaceful in His shelter tonight.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Steph
Your family had my prayers before this morning and you have them now. All of you. You ARE beautifully made, Katie, and so is your youngest child. Holding you in my heart, SJ.
ReplyDeleteOh, Katie. I will be praying for you. That just makes my heart hurt for you.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteMy heart sank when I read this. I will be praying for you every night from now on.
Please, please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
Love you girl.
Katie, I was sent to your blog via another blogger. I want you to know that I will keep you in my prayers. I am truly sorry.
ReplyDeleteRachel
All of us who've met you or read your blog feel heartbroken and confused with you. You and your sweet lil baby are in my thoughts + prayers as you walk this unexpected path.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know I am praying for you. I am so sorry about this but God is on control and He knows what is to happen in all this.
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by from Stephanie Hanes' blog to say hi and let you know I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteSo thankful for God's love and his promise that He'd never leave us or forsake us!
Katie, I just wanted to say that I'm praying for you and that little baby.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteYou are so beautifully made and so is your baby.
My heart dropped when I got to your italics, shocked. I'm sure that doesn't come close to what you were feeling having just cooed at those tiny fingers and toes.
So much love for your family, so many prayers.
Please let us know if there's anything we can do - meals? Laundry? Tea?
xoxoxo
Stopping by from Stephanie's blog. I'm sorry to hear about your little sweet one. You'll be in my prayers.
ReplyDelete"Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say except to hold onto faith and hope. One of my best friends also received horrible news about her third child in utero and she could do nothing except move forward with faith and hope.
The tough decisions she faced were many but today her baby who was not supposed to live is a pretty healthy 4 1/2 year old girl and she is called a miracle child.
And when you can't hold onto faith and hope, we will do it for you.
xo
Lee
Katie , like others my heart sank upon reading this. You are beautifully made.
ReplyDeleteYou and your family will be in my heart and prayers.
xoxo
Donya
Oh, Katie.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of your sweet, easy smile and I'm smiling now myself even as I'm tearing up. Even in this painful post, I can hear your faith and love. I will be praying for you. I am so sorry.
Love to you.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI got your blog and twitter acct info from Stephanie at Adventures in Babywearing. I am 30 weeks along, and we found out similar news at my 18 week appointment. Ours was a more obvious indication, but if/when you are ready, you are welcome to visit my blog, follow me (@heavensent2) or email me with any questions.
But I KNOW you are still dealing with the shock of it all and it may take you a while "to get there." Still, I am here for you if you would like. I will pray for you and your baby.
God is the great physician...rest in his Hope. I promise you it will provide more peace than you realize. He may be crying with you now, but I promise you He will lift you up in the days ahead. Many blessings to you!
Oh Katie... my heart just hurts for you. You were marked (painted) with "Beautifully Made" and it was no accident. You are, your baby is. I've known you for such a short time but I know that it's true!!
ReplyDeleteI have Bible study today and will lift you and your family up in prayer. You're already surrounded with it though - hope that helps you stay strong.
Keeping you in our prayers...
ReplyDeleteI know I just met you the other night (Grand Rapids blogger meet-up), but my heart just stopped when I read your post. I will be praying. You're right in saying that your baby is beautifully made, by the author of life, who never makes any mistakes. Praying for comfort and peace for you
ReplyDeleteGod is great. Crazy Great. Praying for healing....
ReplyDeletexoxox
Even 8 hours later I still am reeling from reading your post. My prayer for that sweet babe of yours is healing and in God's great medicine cabinet His will be done. Prayers of comfort and peace for you and Kev as you step through day to day routines with your 3 other precious kids. We are here to help with kids, meals, household chores. Love you all.
ReplyDeleteFound your blog via twitter. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
ReplyDeletestephanie sent me over too.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry to have to have met you for the first time reading something like this. i can't imagine the emotions running through you.
the only thing i can imagine is the peace that God will surely give you. about everything. maybe not today, or tomorrow, but He will.
over the past year we had two miscarriages and one of the babies, a boy, had mulitple issues wrong with him. it doesn't make it any easier knowing 'why' it happened. but i know how it feels to hear those awful things. and as weird as it sounds i'd give anything to see him on this side of heaven. but i'm given the hope that i will see him again on the other side of heaven. what a joyous time that will be.
there will be no more pain. no more hurt. no more suffering. no more tears. there is coming a day!
praying for you! and sorry to ramble. it's what i do when i don't know what to say.
Praying for you and your sweet baby- God is not surprised and will get you through whatever happens! (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking of you and your family. Sending prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteOh, Katie,
ReplyDeleteMy heart is heavy as I read this. I am praying and will continue to pray for your baby's health and for your strength.
KEEP WRITING.
Sending you love.
Tears. Love. Faith. Hope. Awe.
ReplyDeleteAnn
Oh sweet, lady. This is hard. Hard. We're here, rooting for you and that beautifully made baby of yours.
ReplyDeletePeace to you,
Heather
Oh whoops. Forgot to login. That mysterious Heather is Heather of the EO :)
ReplyDeletePrayers of hope and peace for you and your lovely family.
ReplyDeletePrayers lifted up for you and your precious child.
ReplyDeleteHe holds your baby in the palm of His hand and knows your baby intimately, even now. We will pray you feel Him holding you too!
ReplyDelete~kristin and chris ann
Oh, Katie. I don't know what to say. I will keep you and your baby and your family in my prayers. I hope you can feel the love and the prayers of all of these people who love and care about you.
ReplyDelete-elizabeth
Katie, may God heal your little one and make him or her whole and healthy in every way. He's got a plan for this little one and for your family!
ReplyDeletei will be praying for you. i'm so sorry that you all are going through this right now.
ReplyDeleteKatie and Kevin - we love you and are praying for you! I'm praying for to God's to show His peace and love for you guys. God is so much bigger than this and nothing is impossible with HIM!!!
ReplyDeletePLEASE let us know if you need anything!
Katie and Kevin - we love you and are praying for you! I'm praying for to God's to show His peace and love for you guys. God is so much bigger than this and nothing is impossible with HIM!!!
ReplyDeletePLEASE let us know if you need anything!
I noticed that at the bottom of your post you said "he". Is your little one a boy?!
ReplyDeleteI hope it goes without saying that we are praying for you guys. If you need ANYTHING--right now or later-- you know right where to find me. xoxoxo
I just found your blog through Heather's tweet, but wanted to comment and let you know how many people are thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI work at a hospital (though I am not a medical person myself) that is completely focused on children who have special needs or disabilities. I share this because I have the joy, true joy, of spending each day of the week with remarkable families whose lives certainly didn't go where they wanted them to go, but are celebrating their life and their child daily.
If no one has passed it along yet, many of these families talk about the impact that a poem called "Welcome to Holland" had on them when they first learned their child would have a disability. Here is a link if and when you want to read it.
http://the-callahans.com/susete/poem3.htm
Praying for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteLifting your family in prayer...
ReplyDeleteYou are a child of the Lord and so is your baby and the Lord makes no mistakes. I trust in our Heavenly Father to carry your family through and strengthen you.
Hugs...
I am so sorry! Praying for a complete healing for your little baby. Praying for comfort for you and His peace to come upon you. That you may trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding!!!! I will be praying for you guys!!!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter Amelia was born with a neural tube defect, previously undiagnosed, on her brain. It's called an encephalocele because part of her brain had actually developed outside of her body. She underwent neurosurgery at three weeks of age and is now a COMPLETELY NORMAL one year old.
ReplyDeleteI had the internet to pray for me through all of my hard times and I want you to know that I'm here for you.
My email is becky@dwink.net. Please, let me know if you need ANYTHING.
xoxo,
Aunt Becky
Mommy Wants Vodka
Oh, lovely friend. Thinking of you. Praying for you. Crying for you...and your sweet babe...and your family.
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs and love.
Bri
Sending a million positive thoughts and vibes your way. You are strong! You'll get through this with the help of friends, family and grace.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you...
Saying a prayer for your little one and your family. My own daughter was diagnosed with a fatal neural tube defect in utero. Those moments of finding our were devastating. I pray for God's healing and for Him to bring you comfort. Yes, your baby is still beautifully made NO MATTER WHAT!!
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and Kevin. I can't imagine. Please know that God is with you and many prayers are with you as well.
ReplyDeleteoh Katie... I wish I was in Holland to give you a big hug! I am praying!
ReplyDeleteI just visited your blog because a mutual friend (Stephanie @ Hanes Family Chronicles) posted a prayer request for you on hers. Praying for your sweet family.
ReplyDeletePraying for both of you who are BOTH beautifully made in His eyes.
ReplyDeleteStay strong.. We'll make sure you can..
I am so sorry - I will pray for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI came from Maggie's tweet. You and your beautiful baby will both be in my thoughts.
ReplyDeletePraying for you, your baby and family!
ReplyDeleteDear Katie,
ReplyDeleteAs I read your blog tonight, my heart just aches for you. My sister has walked this journey as well, but will tell you that her son is such a blessing to them. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you learn more and grow in God's grace.
Love,
Lynae
Thinking of you and praying. Your words are as beautiful as your baby. Much love...
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my thoughts and prayers...God bless.
ReplyDeleteI am visiting for Stephanie's blog. I am praying for your sweet baby!! Please keep us updated!
ReplyDeleteKatie, I am so sorry. I am praying for the baby and you and your family.
ReplyDeletePrayers. I know he/she will be endlessly loved and is with the right parents.
ReplyDeletekatie--you and that sweet, little baby will be in my prayers for sure. i love that He allowed you to be tattooed with "beautifully made."
ReplyDeletea sweet reminder:
that you were and that your precious baby is.
that none of this is a surprise to God.
that He will receive glory from your family no matter what.
praying for your peace and your baby's healing.
Came to your blog from Carrie (mamabear's) blog. I will be praying for you and your family. God Bless.
ReplyDeletekatie my friend.
ReplyDeletethinking of you and sending many hugs and prayers.
Katie-
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry this took me so long...but I'm PRAYING! Let me know if there's ANYTHING I can do for you! Coffee, hug, brainstorming, whatever it may be...
Crying beside you,
Nicole
Katie, I'm praying for you and your little one! He is beautifully made!
ReplyDeleteKatie, thank you so much for sharing this post today. I pray for continued healing in your lives. Your story will help someone.
ReplyDelete